Saat Tepat Buat Kepo

Tanggal berapa ini? Maret 23. Ada yang penting? Ulang tahun seorang atau dua orang kawan, hari sesuatu internasional, tapi yang lebih penting, kita makin dekat dengan 9 April.

Saya agaknya memang excited dengan datangnya pemilu karena insyaallah ini akan menjadi pemilu pertama saya, dan saya percaya bahwa memberikan suara adalah bentuk kontribusi paling sederhana yang bisa saya lakukan untuk negara. Orang yang kita pilih atau "coblos" nantinya kan mengemban amanah mengurusi hajat hidup 250an juta manusia Indonesia. Bukan tugas yang mudah saya rasa, itulah mengapa kita harus memilih orang yang tepat.

Sulitkah memilih?
Bisa ya, bisa tidak.
Jika anda menyadari, kita sebenarnya sudah terbiasa memilih. Saya tanya pada anda, kapan terakhir anda mengikuti ujian dengan sistem multiple choice question? UNAS? UAS? UTS?
Saudara-saudara, sebetulnya kertas suara itu tidak jauh berbeda dengan lembar soal ujian. Bedanya, kalau kertas suara, soalnya satu, pilihannya banyak. Kertas ujian, soalnya 100 pilihannya 5. Dan kalau kita pengalaman ngerjakan ujian, memilih itu mudah, jika kita telah belajar sebelumnya, :)
*lemparan tomat dari pembaca*padahal nggak ada yang mbaca*

Saya paham, pemilu 9 April ini adalah pemilu legislatif. Banyak warna, banyak nama, dan mayoritas, kita nggak kenal siapa-siapa. Saya dengar itu dari rekan rekan pemilih muda, calon pemilih pertama, yang masih sangat awam dengan politik.  Mungkin sering kita tidak sengaja baca nama mereka di baliho-baliho yang sudah menghiasi seantero Indonesia sejak tahun lalu. Tapi siapa mereka? Atau barangkali pertanyaan yang lebih krusial adalah, siapa yang harus kita pilih? Siapa orang yang tepat? Siapa yang bisa mewakili kita?

Maaf saudara saudara, ujian yang kita ikuti sekali dalam lima tahun ini tidak ada jawabannya dalam textbook mana pun. Anda cari di perpus, anda order ke techie yang pro download ebook pun, anda ga akan nemu. Saya rasa sejauh ini yang bisa kita lakukan adalah ngepo di world wide web atau rajin-rajinlah baca koran, nonton berita, atau baca majalah berita.

Cara paling mudah adalah pilih partai yang sevisi dengan anda, yang anda yakini bersih atau yang anda percaya bisa melahirkan pemimpin yang amanah. Kalau anda bingung, anda harus cari info sebanyak-banyaknya juga mengenai partai-partai yang mewarnai pemilu. Atau jika anda sudah punya capres dambaan, memilih calegnya akan mengantarkan capresnya lebih dekat ke kursi panas. Cara paling buruk adalah memilih yang warna benderanya sesuai dengan warna favorit anda, atau warnanya sama dengan kostum klub bola favorit anda, jadi itu sangat tidak saya sarankan. Kemudian kepoi kadernya. Cari tahu sepak terjang mereka di dunia politik, karya-karya mereka, kontribusi mereka, syukur-syukur kalau ada yang menulis, maka anda bisa menganalisis pola pikir mereka. Kalaupun ada kader yang anda yakini profesionalitasnya tapi tidak se"warna" dengan anda, tidak masalah. Mengenai kader kader yang sehari-harinya main sinetron, nyanyi dangdut, lengak-lenggok di catwalk dan sebagainya, jangan keburu milih karena atraktif, jangan juga keburu antipati karena anda anggap tidak berpengalaman. Kepolah dengan seksama. Tentukan yang terbaik untuk negara ini.

Capek? Buang pulsa? Ngga punya waktu?
Saudara-saudara, nama-nama tersebut akan jadi legislator. RUU, pembangunan, program kerja pemerintah, merekalah yang menggodok dan mengurusi. Trotoar nggak rapi, siapa yang kita suruh ngerapiin? Jalan bolong-bolong, siapa yang kita harapkan nambal? Lahan kosong dibangun skyscraper asing, siapa yang kita omelin? Pohon di hutan ditebangin, siapa yang marahin? Jalanan macet, siapa yang kita minta bangunin MRT? Kalau anda pikir legislator kerjaannya nggak memberi impact pada kehidupan kita, sepertinya anda yang nggak pernah peduli. Kita bisa menghindari peluang terpilihnya legislator yang kurang baik dengan cara memilih yang baik. Lagipula, pemilu ini cuman sekali dalam lima tahun! Yang anda pilih sekarang akan mengurusi hajat hidup orang Indonesia selama 5 tahun ke depan. Apa jadinya kalau pajak yang dibayar oleh anda atau orang tua anda jatuh ke tangan pihak-pihak yang ternyata tidak mengupayakan kesejahteraan dan kenyamanan hidup anda, atau 250 juta orang Indonesia lainnya. Masalah nanti apakah ternyata pilihan kita terpilih atau tidak, atau ternyata lebih banyak bad guys yang terpilih, wallahua'lam, paling tidak kita sudah berniat untuk mengupayakan perubahan ke arah yang lebih baik untuk Indonesia. Saya yakin itu ada imbalannya :)

Pilihan ada di tangan anda, berhentilah ngomel soal Indonesia kalau belum ada yang bisa anda berikan. Ini adalah saat yang paling tepat untuk ngepo, dan ngepolah sebelum terlambat! Akhir kata, selamat ngepo, selamat nyoblos, selamat berkontribusi untuk negara dan selamat belajar lagi!!

A slip into drama (again?)

I've been through a roller coaster of emotions in the past couple of years. You've probably heard the story from the lady next door, or the gossip guy upstairs. As long as I'm concerned, I don't have any concerns. Some of you have laughed a questionable laugh at me (ha-ha here's the laugh back with you). Some others, thankfully have stood beside me and embraced me with the warmest embrace a teddy bear could ever give. (Sincerely, bears are the most huggable looking creatures on earth, and teddy bears are the only huggable bears in case you still want to stay alive and unharmed after the hug. And who wants to die after a hug and unable to keep the memories of a beautiful warm hug. Pardon me, I do have issues with hugs, and bears)

And I have put my greatest effort to avoid all sorts of drama. This roller coaster ride has made me vulnerable, uh mentally- that was a bit hard to put up. I avoided tv romances, love stories, movies, unreasonable dramatic love songs such as -I'll catch a grenade for you-s, even Jane Austen and Bronte novels and any other forms of emotionally igniting pieces of arts and literature. I didn't want to hit myself and I was very aware of being highly protective towards my over sensitive mind. (and over sensitive lacrimal glands?). Some of those memories are too profound, some have been residing in my brain longer than anything I've read on a medical textbook. It was a bit tough to wipe them up like wiping a permanent board marker. It's not absolutely permanent, it just needs effort to erase.

I recently visited the lib again. It was unplanned, I went there to accompany a friend and when I got there I felt like borrowing something. To my surprise, my subconscious mind led me to pick Gabriel Garcia Marquez' Love in the Time of Cholera. Honestly, I think I'm just curious about this author, I've once read about him in wiki. And when I decided to borrow it, I didn't feel any kind of worry. I was not afraid anymore of reading romance or drama, however it would turn up in the end. I somehow feel that I have regained my strength. I remember I've already spotted the words unrequited love at the first sentence. But who knows, who knows, I don't even feel afraid.

I guess, time does heal a broken heart. 

Ambivalence.

Forgive me if I post too often, or if I will be posting very often in several days. I'm currently in a wobbly state of mind. Kind of like there's too much cs fluid in my cranium so my brain floats here and there and everywhere a lot lately (pardon me dude that statement lacked scientific basis-just a dumb saying). There's just too many things I have to say without anyone quite willing to hear. There are piles and arrays of thoughts and feelings in my head and I'm running out of idea to express them conveniently.

When I put it up in a crowded place, some cynical people will say "so what?" and I'll start feeling guilty for messing up their timeline. When I put it up in a not so crowded place, other sarcastic people will think I'm shouting for attention and start a confrontation. I finally hope this silent place is the safest hiding place, nobody cares to read, nobody cares to even peek. [Then who in the world am I writing this to? Aliens, probably ehh :/]

Here's a little soundtrack for tonight's post, also with a video link). This is my song of the week, and this one is my favorite version of the song.

~Vultures~

The John Mayer* Trio

Some of us, we're hardly ever here

The rest of us, we're born to disappear

How do I stop myself from being just a number

How will I hold my head to keep from going under

Down to the wire

I wanted water but I'll walk to the fire

If this is what it takes to take me even higher

Then I'll come through like I do when the world keeps testing me,

testing me

testing me.

Hope you enjoyed. 
*He's one awesome singer, songwriter (or poet?), and guitar player. And about the trio, they're tremendous!

Day 15.

Two weeks from the start of this semester. Contrary to my other colleagues who feels that this semester tends to be low paced and doesn't need as much struggle, I somehow think that this semester is a really tough one.

Last semester we had anatomy on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Histology on Weds and Fridays, so at least I get a day's rest for each subject. This semester? Biochem and Physiology everyday. Each subject gets a 2 hour non-stop lecture. Which means sitting down for a total of 4 hours.

Oh and what about the practicums? Well I have to admit that Anatomy practicums were absolutely torturing. Approximately three hours spent in a highly bio-hazardous environment with formalin vapor and cadavers which requires a highly protective (and definitely uncomfortable) attire: surgical masks and gloves. Histology was a bit cozier. Even though we had to roam around this crowded room in order to observe more slides. Both are totally leg-cramping lol. But at the very least they let you study the theory as well while doing the practicums. You don't work really much,  and you don't need to make reports, like this semester's practicums.

Surely, I'm not trying to complain. What kind of person complains after having the chances to study at an honored place. I'm only trying to draw a bold red line around this statement: THIS IS NOT A LAZY SEMESTER. IT'S TOUGH. IT'S HARD. BEWARE. It's my perception, and I don't want to get mingled up with other people's tendency to slow their pace and take a good bunch of rest.

I really need dope to stay up late and study, and honestly, to stay awake in classes.

Welcome back to med school

This might not have been a very fine holiday, realizing that it went totally biased from my earlier plans (not that my plans were anywhere near awesome either), but this doesn't even count as one I'd ever regret. It was tiring, exhausting, intriguing, heartbreaking, painstaking, leg-cramping, yet highly energetic, enthusiastic, awsomely productive and historically inspiring.

School starts in less than a week, and I've already shifted my mindset, preparing it for more and more studying for the following term. And the following term. And the following term. As I realize, life will never be any easier from now on. Welcome back to med school, sweetheart.

What do we have on the menu for the third semester?
Biochemistry
Physiology
GELS module
Biological Systems module
Medical Skills (OSCE)

Prepared yet?

Not at all. Didn't touch any book, didn't borrow any dictates, haven't bought any textbooks. Relying on my leftover knowledge from high school, which is just crumbs and crap. I'm actually pretty enthusiasted with the upcoming semester. Biochemistry has always been a fascination ever since I was in high school. I know it would be a bit (or lot?) more complicated now that I'm in med school. But seriously it wouldn't matter, I'm so ready, I know the consequences, this wasn't anywhere close to my childhood dreams, I wen't here by a fatal accident but I grew up and I'm up to face the hardships of life, and get out alive. I don't want to be weak, even if I went to war without high-end weaponry. 

I've learned not to ever wait and hope for a holiday. I redefined the word holiday, at least in my little dictionary of life. What usually happens when I'm in the middle of a frustrating semester with loads and loads of work and exam materials to gobble up, is that I wish it gets over as soon as possible. I perceive that I'm in the middle of a war and I may not have any fun in whatever forms. I figure out that this kind of thinking actually sums up the frustration, why don't I make fun out of the entire process.

An acquaintance said that there's no way studying could be fun if you only define it as building up stacks of information in your brain, only using it as an ammunition to shoot exam questions. So I thought I should define studying like building a castle of knowledge that hopefully lasts eternally. I should appreciate every process, every brick and wall and tower and ornament I've added to the castle, pretty much like making a house for a sim, hopefully it would be a bit more exciting. 

Any other wishes for the new semester?

I hope i can cease procrastinating;)

Let's just pray for the best. And fight the hell out for the rest.
Cheers.

The Equestrian

We spent roughly eight hours a day, five days a week, four weeks a month, twelve months a year for three years, three whole years of high school, breathing in the same room, working in gazillions of projects together. But somehow I only started to know him, just today.

He is bright. He has always been bright. His brain works at the speed of  light. He knows his maths and physics, and does his homework. He reads the papers and watches the news. He knows the world. He knows politics, economics, history, plus all their trivial facts. He knows bureaucracy. He's a teenager with knowledge, skills and experience like your father's. He drives like a racer. His passion is cars and dreams to devour them for a living, yet he ends up in medical school: Oh, we're gonna be spending another 4.5 years under the same roof.

It's been a year since we study together in the small 30-pupil sized classroom (compared to the current classroom which is 5 to 10 times larger). Nowadays we hardly talk, we barely meet. But just some time ago, he asked me to work with him. For a personal reason, I agreed to join his project, but I anticipated the horrors of working with him.

He used to be the most stubborn person who never failed to start an altercation with me. I always see him as an aggressive young man wearing a pair of twinkly round puppy eyes. He's thoughtful yet doubtful. Confident yet never willing to take the lead. Hardly makes decisions but argues over the ones I make. Enthusiastic but hardly ever committed.  I value him so much as a student, as a colleague, I trust him, I always put my hopes on his broad shoulders, but what's very likely to occur is he leaves them behind. His mind was too hard for me to read. Too hard to leave settled. Whatever I say, whatever I do is like setting a fire in an Australian bush in the midst of December. His persona leaves me questioning, sometimes crying over his painstaking choices of words, or his irritating intonation. Yes, of course The Equestrian has made me drop my tears. Several times.

I don't hate him. He's a good friend. Sometimes. Well yes he's irritating, he hurts me to the center of my heart. It's not an issue though. I just know that we don't go well together. Like an enzyme with the wrong substrate. It doesn't mean we're on war. We're at peace. I just know that it'd be better to stay away from him to avoid the quarrel.

That was a long time ago though. 

The Equestrian I perceive now, is somewhat different. He's not as aggressive as before.

His puppy eyes that I thought was fake, are actually true. We engaged in a small talk where he subtly but honestly stated his introversion. I was electrified. I thought he mislabeled himself. But then I realized that these years, I never really knew him to the core.

A Letter to Heaven

The world ages, our life ages, we age. 

Unpredictable possibilities happen, unthinkable incidents occur, unbelievable coincidences turn up like magic. Though as a matter of fact, it all has been planned: careful, detailed, and comprehensive, by The One and Only. 

These may raise us up to the zenith of sweet glory, or throw us down to the nadir of bitter sorrow. Leave us in a seemingly unstoppable laughter, or never ending days of mourning. When it happens, it just happens. When we set our mind to a quest for reasons, we may never find out why. 

Sometimes we wish to rewind our clock, flip back the pages of the calendar sitting on our desk, wishing we could travel back in time, to do the good deeds we never did, to erase the mistakes we ever made. We keep on wishing, even though we're highly alert that the past is unalterable. Even though we realize that the wheel of life only spins forward, towards the future.

Yet, the future is hidden behind a veil, somewhat like a one-way mirror, like that of an interrogation room we see in an American cop movie, nobody inside sees through. We seem like we know what we're facing, truth is, we never know what's behind.

The past is unalterable, the future is unpredictable. We only live in the present, to make the very best use of it, with lessons learned from the past, and enthusiasm to prepare for the future.

My dearest friend, we all know, you will never read this, and we will never meet again, yet I want to thank you so much for all the lessons you've once shared, and deliver my greatest apology, for never stopping by your side, not even to say hello and put a smile on your face. For now, the only word left is Goodbye.