Ambivalence.

Forgive me if I post too often, or if I will be posting very often in several days. I'm currently in a wobbly state of mind. Kind of like there's too much cs fluid in my cranium so my brain floats here and there and everywhere a lot lately (pardon me dude that statement lacked scientific basis-just a dumb saying). There's just too many things I have to say without anyone quite willing to hear. There are piles and arrays of thoughts and feelings in my head and I'm running out of idea to express them conveniently.

When I put it up in a crowded place, some cynical people will say "so what?" and I'll start feeling guilty for messing up their timeline. When I put it up in a not so crowded place, other sarcastic people will think I'm shouting for attention and start a confrontation. I finally hope this silent place is the safest hiding place, nobody cares to read, nobody cares to even peek. [Then who in the world am I writing this to? Aliens, probably ehh :/]

Here's a little soundtrack for tonight's post, also with a video link). This is my song of the week, and this one is my favorite version of the song.

~Vultures~

The John Mayer* Trio

Some of us, we're hardly ever here

The rest of us, we're born to disappear

How do I stop myself from being just a number

How will I hold my head to keep from going under

Down to the wire

I wanted water but I'll walk to the fire

If this is what it takes to take me even higher

Then I'll come through like I do when the world keeps testing me,

testing me

testing me.

Hope you enjoyed. 
*He's one awesome singer, songwriter (or poet?), and guitar player. And about the trio, they're tremendous!

Day 15.

Two weeks from the start of this semester. Contrary to my other colleagues who feels that this semester tends to be low paced and doesn't need as much struggle, I somehow think that this semester is a really tough one.

Last semester we had anatomy on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Histology on Weds and Fridays, so at least I get a day's rest for each subject. This semester? Biochem and Physiology everyday. Each subject gets a 2 hour non-stop lecture. Which means sitting down for a total of 4 hours.

Oh and what about the practicums? Well I have to admit that Anatomy practicums were absolutely torturing. Approximately three hours spent in a highly bio-hazardous environment with formalin vapor and cadavers which requires a highly protective (and definitely uncomfortable) attire: surgical masks and gloves. Histology was a bit cozier. Even though we had to roam around this crowded room in order to observe more slides. Both are totally leg-cramping lol. But at the very least they let you study the theory as well while doing the practicums. You don't work really much,  and you don't need to make reports, like this semester's practicums.

Surely, I'm not trying to complain. What kind of person complains after having the chances to study at an honored place. I'm only trying to draw a bold red line around this statement: THIS IS NOT A LAZY SEMESTER. IT'S TOUGH. IT'S HARD. BEWARE. It's my perception, and I don't want to get mingled up with other people's tendency to slow their pace and take a good bunch of rest.

I really need dope to stay up late and study, and honestly, to stay awake in classes.

Welcome back to med school

This might not have been a very fine holiday, realizing that it went totally biased from my earlier plans (not that my plans were anywhere near awesome either), but this doesn't even count as one I'd ever regret. It was tiring, exhausting, intriguing, heartbreaking, painstaking, leg-cramping, yet highly energetic, enthusiastic, awsomely productive and historically inspiring.

School starts in less than a week, and I've already shifted my mindset, preparing it for more and more studying for the following term. And the following term. And the following term. As I realize, life will never be any easier from now on. Welcome back to med school, sweetheart.

What do we have on the menu for the third semester?
Biochemistry
Physiology
GELS module
Biological Systems module
Medical Skills (OSCE)

Prepared yet?

Not at all. Didn't touch any book, didn't borrow any dictates, haven't bought any textbooks. Relying on my leftover knowledge from high school, which is just crumbs and crap. I'm actually pretty enthusiasted with the upcoming semester. Biochemistry has always been a fascination ever since I was in high school. I know it would be a bit (or lot?) more complicated now that I'm in med school. But seriously it wouldn't matter, I'm so ready, I know the consequences, this wasn't anywhere close to my childhood dreams, I wen't here by a fatal accident but I grew up and I'm up to face the hardships of life, and get out alive. I don't want to be weak, even if I went to war without high-end weaponry. 

I've learned not to ever wait and hope for a holiday. I redefined the word holiday, at least in my little dictionary of life. What usually happens when I'm in the middle of a frustrating semester with loads and loads of work and exam materials to gobble up, is that I wish it gets over as soon as possible. I perceive that I'm in the middle of a war and I may not have any fun in whatever forms. I figure out that this kind of thinking actually sums up the frustration, why don't I make fun out of the entire process.

An acquaintance said that there's no way studying could be fun if you only define it as building up stacks of information in your brain, only using it as an ammunition to shoot exam questions. So I thought I should define studying like building a castle of knowledge that hopefully lasts eternally. I should appreciate every process, every brick and wall and tower and ornament I've added to the castle, pretty much like making a house for a sim, hopefully it would be a bit more exciting. 

Any other wishes for the new semester?

I hope i can cease procrastinating;)

Let's just pray for the best. And fight the hell out for the rest.
Cheers.